July 24, 2009

Tonight Carol mentioned a practical joke one of the boys played on another. It involved putting honey on a sleeping boy's face. Sleeping boy then awoke to a strange sensation and touched his hand to his face. And then touched his hand to his other hand. And then touched his gooey, honey hands to the bed sheets.

Mess.

That's kind of the story with grief. You exist just fine for a bit, and then you get a glimpse of Dan, see a picture, remember a story and you seem to get the sadness everywhere. And it sticks and clings to everything it's in contact with. Until you are a mess.

I imagine that's a little bit how Carol feels at the moment, try as she may to put on a brave, fun face (we all know Carol). But this is hard, and there are reminders of her loss everywhere. It is EVERYTHING that she is dealing with now...and perhaps we are all just getting little glimpses into her grief, as she shares it. Pray that it doesn't consume her. And that she can have the courage to exalt Christ, everyday. That she would see her purpose and trust her Creator...that she was meant to do more than just survive this heartbreak.

She has mentioned that she has had some real moments of clarity and fun with the boys in the past few days. What an answer to prayer that she isn't drowning in despair, but actually seeing glimpses of hope and peace. She is learning how to live without the adrenaline rush of sickness and emergency...but this adjustment is going to be slow and on-going, so continue to pray that she would see a purpose and have priorities in her day. That she would learn how to live in peace...because that HAS NOT been her world. And as much as most of us consider it normal to go about our day with regular routine--she is not there, and hasn't been for some time.

Thanks for all you are doing, for your concern, your prayers, your words of encouragement!!! They are amazing to this family!